Blind

It's funny. I've considered myself a pretty astute "watcher" since I sat on the sidelines watching how people interacted with each other, seeing how they liked or disliked others by the way they stood, their hand motions, eye contact (or lack of), etc. I could peg if someone was interested/disinterested in a person within a few moments of watching them. The thing is I can easily do this for anyone except for myself.

I was at a very casual social gathering last night and my good friend's mother gently chided me that I gave this guy who had been watching me with significant interest the cold shoulder at a party the previous week. The guy was intelligent, witty, and had the nerdy 'chic' going for him (which I think is sexy). And I didn't even notice that he'd been eyeing me all night and pretty much looked the other way. I felt pretty sheepish.

I go to these parties thinking that no one is going to look my way and that they'll be ogling my friends (whom I adore and think that they are handsome) who end up half the night trying to fend off interests of guys they aren't interested in. I don't think of myself as average looking (I hate looking at pictures of myself), so I was totally caught off guard when not only one but two guys (very attractive and smart to boot) very obviously looked my way when they got the chance. Even my two friends gave me a hard time saying that I had two guys checking me out when they didn't get a look.

One of my friends says that I shouldn't think that I'm average...just the opposite. I find it hard to believe sometimes. But my friend's words reminds me of a lyric from a Garbage b-side track from a song called "Begging Bone":

"You started to believe that you're completely unlovable
Which makes us want to laugh 'cause you're adorable"

I guess Shirley must know a thing or two about this...