Unrequited Feelings

So I'm finally going to get this off my chest and write my thought about something that I think about (or shouldn't think about) every so often.

I have two very good friends...best friends in fact. And I have (had) huge ongoing crushes with them. The worst thing is that I know that I'm not their type, nor will I ever be. The first one I tried to tell him my feelings about him and quickly put the kiabosh on it once I flubbed the witty delivery I had come up with. He caught on to gist of the intent. He was very gracious and kind in telling me that I wasn't his type (and I told him I knew this). I really just wanted him to know what I thought and that I also knew that it never was going to be anything else from it. I guess I wanted some closure on it so I could move on. I'll be the first to admit that there are times when he looks at me with those eyes and I want to fall right into them and never come back up.

Now the second friend has had some real doosies of boy friends lately which make me furious when they treated him so bad. He's such a nice and trusting guy (and cute) that I would do anything for him (or the both of them for that matter). He's been pretty down lately and sometimes I got the distinct feeling that he was sort of interested in me. It might be my wishful thinking and feeling more lonely than usual that made me see things that were really there. I talked with the other friend and he pretty much said that I wasn't his type and that the other friend is pretty vocal about telling when he likes someone. So I kept my trap shut and didn't say anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Sometime I wish I could help heal the emotional wounds that have been inflicted on him by others and that I'd be a better boyfriend than the others...but I know somewhere deep down that isn't going to happen.

Now I've been "seeing" this guy for the last few months. Everything has been completely platonic. I felt there was some initial attraction but I get all these mixed signals from him. When it's just the two of us, we have a great time and have a genuine good time. When you get more people in the crowd, he becomes very distant, almost cold. I think he's a great guy, smart, good looks and a good sense of humor. It's been going now long enough, I need to ask him where things are going: is just looking to be friends or is he interested in taking the next step in the relationship.